let’s stop treating women’s friendships like status updates

a reflection on how catch-ups became the norm — and why it’s time to make new memories

TL;DR:
Somewhere along the way, women’s friendships became all about catching up — not making memories. This piece explores why that happened, what we lose because of it, and why it’s time to start doing things together again.

so i finish school, and then everyone is going to college...

that’s when i first noticed it with my high school girlfriends. we see each other less frequently, of course, and it is usually at someone’s house. all we do is talk, but we also take pictures, reminisce, and remember everything we did growing up.

then college ends, and i’ve made new friends there. we go from seeing each other every day to trying to schedule a meetup a month in advance. life gets in the way. “i’m sorry, i can’t saturday, how’s next thursday?” and we can’t wait for those little windows of time where we grab a drink and catch up.

but wait… when did we stop being part of each other’s stories?

when did our friendships become a two-way podcast of people living completely separate lives and getting together to talk about it? this is not what the show Friends said would happen.

realizing that my girlfriends and i don’t actually do things together anymore hit me hard in the face. if you’d asked me what friendship means, i would’ve confidently said: being in each other’s day-to-day, making memories, sharing life. but as adult women, that just… isn’t the norm.

these days, finding time and space is hard. so we default to talking. conversation is enough to keep things afloat, but not enough to feel part of each other’s lives.

how can we challenge that?

as a woman, i hate to admit it, but… men are kind of killing it at this. football matches, boys' trips, video games… they build bonds by doing things. and while guys might not always be great with the details, they have stories, memories, and shared reference points all across their relationship, that only get stronger with time. why aren’t we keeping up?

a part of me thinks this has to do with what women are told adulthood should look like. as teens, our friendships were filled with activities (dance class?), shared hobbies (making slime?), and genuine, organic memory making.

but somewhere along the way, we were told that we have to grow up.

we’re the ones who must become efficient, responsible, high-functioning adults. and in that story, deep, vibrant friendships are treated as optional; some would even say a luxury. why isn’t having vibrant, nourishing friendships part of the plan? are we more functional to the current system when we’re not prioritizing friendships? when we’re fending for ourselves and then just reporting on it every once in a while?

i want out of that narrative.

one of my goals for 2025 is for this to stop being the norm. i want to live life with my friends, not just talk about it later.
let’s go to the movies. let’s try a pilates class. let’s go for a hike (a short one; i hate sweating). let’s try mini golf. do each other’s makeup. bring back sleepovers! the possibilities are endless.

sure, it’s easier said than done. but the first step is realizing something’s off, right?

so here’s me — realizing.
and if this resonates with you, maybe we can start creating this change.

let’s stop treating friendships like status updates. let’s start making memories again.

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